A Queen's Diary
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Many times we are our own enemy. We always question ourselves with, “Am I good enough”, “Am I worth it”, or “Why me”. These past 2 years have been very tiresome for me. From going through a divorce, to sending my son with his father to live, changing positions at work, and having my step father pass away. It has all been tough, a challenge. I never thought that I would go through so many changes in such a short period of time. I lost myself. I couldn’t focus and I became very pessimistic about life. I would sit and think to myself that the reason why I was getting a divorce was because I wasn’t a good enough wife. Or since I sent my son to live with his father, I must be a horrible mother. It was a lot of weight to carry on my shoulders and it drove me into depression. I stopped going to school, being physically active, and didn’t put much effort into work. I also stopped speaking to the ones very dear and close to me and I began to find negative pass times as an outlet. It wasn’t until 2 months ago when I decided that nothing is going to change for me unless I begin to change. I had to realize that with everything that was going on in my life, life is still going on. I have to be positive for my son, my subordinates/co-workers, and for myself. Things are always going to happen that will challenge you, things that will put you to the test beyond belief. It is up to you with how you will tackle everything. If you face things in your life that you feel like you can’t handle on your own, please reach out to people before you find yourself in a dark place. People that are close to you will help you find a way to move through your problems. Realize Queen that you are beautiful… You are strong…. You are worth so much more than you think. -Queen Chanel
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There is a reason why you were created and are existing in this lifetime. I know for years you may have asked the questions, ‘What is my purpose? How do I walk in it? Where do I start?’ It's so easy for us to fall into complacency and be so at peace with what we already know that we lose sight of our purpose however, I believe your purpose is driven beyond the mental barriers of "what you’re used to. " Being knocked out your comfort zone and being challenged could be life’s way of redirecting you to your primary purpose. Purpose is the force that directs you on your journey but understand that there is a difference in being busy and being effective with purpose. For years, I’ve unknowingly done things that have veered me off the path of my purpose. I wanted to be comfortable in my decisions so to me, it was better to do something than to do nothing at all not realizing that a lot of the ‘other’ things that I had been doing were distractions from my purpose. I’ve even tried to live out what others spoke over me, their thoughts for me, their plans and purposes for MY life. I had to realize that my purpose was MY PURPOSE! Your purpose is uniquely tacked for you so its ok if others don’t understand. Walking in your purpose may seem strange from the perception of your peers but you will know your true purpose because you will be uncomfortable at times but happy walking in it. Don’t allow your comfort zone to undermine your purpose, ON PURPOSE!
-Queen Myronica I've been in the position where my child was constantly promised gifts and visits from daddy and I've had to make up for it because daddy never showed up. I've been Santa Clause on several occasions running around two days before Christmas to buy Nerf Guns or that Xbox that daddy promised but never bought to send in the first place. I've even had to dry a few tears because daddy told him about all the gifts that he bought for his other children when a box from him never showed up at my door. Some times as a single mother, these are things that you have to deal with. There is no need to bash the other parent or even mention the blanks that you have had to fill in to your child. As time passes, your child will grow up and recognize that it was always mommy without you ever hinting at it. Yes, I hurt (FOR MY CHILD) however, there is no need to be angry because regardless, we have ALWAYS been great. Too Blessed for B.S.!
-Queen Neeke Too often, we pursue our dreams but when we are faced with defeat or an obstacle, we so quickly give up. Why is that we are so quick to give up on our dreams but will go above and beyond to help someone else pursue their own when we are just a number that can easily be replaced? Why? It is because we do not believe in ourselves? Do we underestimate our own abilities? Could it be that we discredit our knowledge or our own worth? Why are we that afraid to take a leap of faith on our own? Why do we need someone else to validate our decisions? We do NOT!
Just like we work our butts off helping the company we work for become/remain successful, we need to go twice as hard when it comes to our own dreams. The difference between you, your employer and myself is that they had the drive to pursue their dream and we lack the ambition. We have to believe in ourselves. There will always be someone who is going to downplay our dreams and suggest that we dream smaller. That should be our motivation, not our kryptonite! Let that be our drive to put our foot on the gas petal and go, never looking back until we arrive at our destination. Once we build our dream, no one can DISMANTLE our dream but us; no one else has the power and do not give them the power. Yes, we are going to experience some losses before the win but we must stay the course. All the tools we need to build our dream, we are already equipped with; we just have to use those tools. Remember it is never too late for us to pursue our dreams. We must believe in ourselves and take that leap of faith without the fear of falling. Namaste, Queen Le Beauty is everywhere you look if you take the time to see it. I see beauty in the sky, in the ocean and in the faces of my children but somehow, I still struggle to see the beauty in the mirror. For countless years, I’ve struggled to see past the undesirable insecurities that I have inscribed on my own reflection. I was never smart enough, not black enough, too skinny, not tall enough; just not enough. I blamed other people in my life for the blemishes that I’d placed on my reflection. I had created so many excuses instead of finding the true beauty in myself to outweigh the antagonistic clattering of my own mind. I made excuse after excuse saying that my father was too strict, my mother was too strong and independent, I was the youngest child, I was a female, I was multi-racial; however, I did know that I was alive.
I am alive, and I am living! The smudges on my reflection had evolved over the years. Some are good, some are bad and many not even written yet. I am finding the true beauty that is in every label that I had thought to be negative of myself and eliminating the smudges that had been placed on me by society. I am learning to take more time out of each day to spend with myself. I am growing to love the beauty in the reflection that I see. Some days, there are new words written on my reflection and other days, some words are simply forgotten. Slowly moving forward, sometimes falling forward, I can lift my head and finally see the smile on my reflection that has been encouraging others for myself. I can see the smile that makes everyone else feel at ease. Falling forward, the smile in my reflection is encouraging me to not just be alive, but to love living. Queen P Ask yourself are you living life or are you existing? Take a moment and think about it. Sadly, majority of us will answer existing; day to day, routines like going to work, taking care of home and paying bills. "Paying to live and praying see another day." Many people are barely taking time out to enjoy life's little treasures because we are all just too busy.
That all changed for me when I decided to pick up my paint brush and add some bold, vibrant and bright colors to my canvas of life. You see, I got tired of my day-to-day existence so I made my life's mission statement and decided to execute it! I started doing more of what I loved and less of society's expectations. Let me tell you, society's expectations can sometimes be a "Debbie Downer"...we are not robots, so why are we so programmed? Why does the opinions of other effect our lives so much? Why must we feel the need to seek validation? Why do you need permission to live your life? The answer is you DO NOT, so STOP! It is time you pick up your paintbrush, choose your colors and paint boldly! Paint freely with no regrets and watch how beautifully your life's painting comes together. Yes, there will be a couple of hiccups along the way but that will just add more life/color to your painting. This is your life, this is your canvas...live it! Namaste, Queen Le If you're not happy, change the situation. A lot of times, we create our own mental boundaries and seal ourselves off from the endless opportunities on the other side of these walls that only exist because of us. So many times, GOD has shown us in a variety of ways why we shouldn't be in a particular situation but we chose to ignore it. That's until something else happens to show you why you should not have been there in the first place. Then the first thing we do is call on GOD for help or a sign. Hasn't HE already given you plenty? This will continue to be the cycle until you decide to break it. What others think really doesn't matter. You have to do what is best for you unapologetically. Break down those walls Queen and let your light shine through. Anything threatening your light should no longer be a part of your journey.
Queen Neeke We made it! In just a few weeks, we will be entering a new year. I encourage you to use these next few weeks as a time to reflect on this past year. Take a moment and look back at everything that has happened within this year so far; the goals you've set last year, your approach and the results. Think of the positive and negative things that may have occurred and accept that there was a purpose behind every faliure and success. Everything in our lives has happened for a reason; without the bad, we wouldnt acknowledge the good and without failure, we wouldn't know what success feels like. If doors of opportunity are shut before you, thats because you were knocking in the wrong place. Write down your goals for this new year and continue to take it one day at a time. Don't be weary in well doing because in due time, everything you are believing in and working for will come to past. What's meant to be will be. Lets remember during the closing of 2016 that we cannot not fail nor succeed unless we take risks and have faith that it will all work out for the better. Where will you be by this time next year? This year was just the beginning of something GREATER! Happy New Year Queens! Be blessed this Holiday season!! -Queen My They say that if nothing changes, nothing changes. Within the last 4 months, there's been some major changes that have been outside my power. Often, we do not adjust to change when it happens to us. Instead we refuse, deny, neglect, and ignore when our spirit tells us " something needs to change". Queens, this month I would like to inspire you to grasp change by the reins and hold on tight. Every change I have had in my entire life has worked out in my favor. Think about it? What were you worrying about last year? The year before that? Or that? Are you worried about it now? Probably not!
Something changed! I'd also like to push you to bring change to yourself without pressure or reasoning. For instance, I have been actively working out and committing to the plan I had made for myself to be a healthier me. A wise person once told me, "If you want everything in life, help someone else get everything they want". I had no idea who this person would be but, I took action assuming I just have not yet met the person. I purposefully adapted a change by joining a 5:30 am training class. I had no idea what the effects of this change would be. The only thing I knew was that if nothing changes, nothing changes. I won’t list all the new contacts and mentors I now have from joining that class. Personally, the class has gotten me to my initial weight-loss goals and that has inspired people all over. I am more confident knowing that I arise at 5:30am ready to get the day started, (I was previously a night person) and completing most of my day by noon is wonderful!! I have met my person and look forward to what I can bring to their table! I say this to say, that if you’re not changing, you are standing still and may need to initiate a change. Change something on your own accord, under your own understanding and free will! You never know what change may occur from you stepping out! -Queen Neidara Every morning I wake up, I find it easier to appreciate how lucky I was to have the type of childhood I did being raised on an island in Hawai’i. First, I should tell you I am a love child, defined by Webster’s dictionary as a child whose father and mother are not married to each other when the child is born. My mother, a native Hawaiian with Chinese ancestry was married to a white man and had 6 children before me. My father, a black man from Missouri was married to a black woman with 4 children before me. My parents met while my father was in the Army and stationed in Hawai’i. My parents had an affair. It doesn’t sound as beautiful as saying they created a love child, but they did. My mother left her husband and raised the 7 of us on her own for a few years and my father eventually left his wife. I met my father when I was 5 years old and before I knew it they were getting married. I remember being in the wedding and not really understanding what was going on. My father took on the role of raising all 7 of us, he never liked to use the word 'step-father.' He was our father...our dad. It was uncomfortable calling someone dad since I didn’t grow up saying that like my brother and sisters did, I couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable it was for them as well. Although we had different fathers, my siblings never treated me differently and didn’t allow anyone else to either; family, friends, strangers, no one. I was always the baby, or their baby sister. My father felt the same, they were all his children. But I was different, I didn’t look like them. I didn’t realize how different I was until I was a teenager and telling someone in school about my sister Barb who was 4 years older than me. They insisted that Barb could not be my sister because we didn’t look alike. She was white and I was black. I had short nappy hair and she had long blonde hair. All I remember at that time was thinking you’re right, we don’t look alike! I went home and cried to my father about not looking like the rest of my family. Instead of consoling me, he laughed! He said almost hysterically, “Do me and your mama look alike?” I stopped crying enough to say “No!” then he laughed again and said “So why would you and your sister look alike, we are all different. You are related by blood, not by skin and hair!” I will never forget that and giggle every time I think about it. That conversation has followed me my whole life and allowed me to look at people as people and not as skin, hair, race or religion. Because of that conversation I was able to meet a lot of great people from all walks of life in school, the military, my career, friendships, and acquaintances. I am raising my children to do the same and pray you do as well because in the end…or in the beginning, depending on how you look at, it we are all related by blood. -Queen P |
Lenore "Le"
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